The Wandering NPCs

If you’ve ever been to Disneyland (which you no doubt have if you’re a human who has lived on Earth between 1955 and right now), then you’ve also probably become acquainted with the ‘classic’ rides featured in the parks which, despite their inherent lack of impressive features or technology, draw in abhorrently long queues of people. Based on older Disney properties like Peter Pan, Pinocchio, and Snow White, these attractions remain as popular as ever due to an attribute rarely seen in any entertainment medium: Timelessness.

And it’s this elusive quality that has me so utterly enthralled in the world of Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age (Yes, I know I’m late to the party). With the storied series being something of a cultural phenomenon in Japan, I was exposed to all its quirky and cute oddness on our trip earlier this year, with every other shop being packed with merchandise and props. And while I’ve had a passing familiarity with the series for a few years now, I’m ashamed to admit this is my first time actually playing one of the games. But, my dudes, I cannot express the purest joy I now feel having given it a go.

And now the weird Disneyland tangent at the beginning comes into play, as, during my first ten hours or so with Dragon Quest XI, I felt this feeling of snuggly warmth which I hadn’t really experienced in games prior to this. And then it struck me. Dragon Quest XI is an old Disneyland ride. Now, this may sound like the ramblings of a wannabe journalist grasping for an analogy, which it is, but I feel like the similarities are abundant between the two entertainment forms. Both share a distinctly vintage approach to design and storytelling, for one. They are slow and somewhat meandering, but this only serves to strengthen the fairytale-like nature of it all.

Moreover, neither the game nor the attractions concern themselves with satiating one’s lust for excitement, only the natural fondness for comfort and good vibes shared by (hopefully) most people. You’ll not find any ridiculously imposing boss fights or arduous grinding via random encounters in DQ XI. Instead, you’ll find yourself wrapped in a cosy digital blanket of ostentatiously crafted towns, open fields, and breezy combat encounters. And, like most other JRPGs, the gratification of leveling up a party member gives your brain a pleasant tingly feeling, which I hope is an intentional sensation drawn out by developer Square Enix and not some undiagnosed medical condition.

Anyways, speaking of towns, this game has a whole lot of them. And each one is as delightfully charismatic in design and in populace as the last. For example, a village which you’ll encounter fairly early in the story is called Hotto. This locale sits at the base of an inky black volcano, and its architecture is distinctly Eastern, with ornate, pagoda-like structures housing the town’s amenities.

The hot springs/ sauna facilities are a zen-inducing treat to saunter through, but it’s the inhabitants that really set this place apart from the more traditional fantasy towns you’ll have visited thus far on your journey. Speaking exclusively in haiku, the townsfolk address you in such a way that’ll have you at once impressed by the game’s remarkable localisation, and also concerned for the mental health of the Hottonians.

Just to bang on about the towns a tad more, the smaller details are bewildering. Things like bowls of food and table arrangements are both perfectly logical and visually brilliant, which appeases nitpicking arsebiscuits such as myself quite nicely. If you’d like to hear a more in-depth discussion on the topic of the game’s wonderful towns, feel free to check out Kotaku’s delightfully odd critique on the game.

Now to dispense with all the technical jibber-jabber which I find far less interesting. The turn-based combat is fairly standard for a game of this type but does give you the option to run around the battlefield in between turns, which may soothe the more fidgety player. Additionally, the pep system is intriguing in that it dispels the common issue in JRPGs of being repeatedly having your balls battered by higher-level foes. Essentially, if a party member takes consecutive hits, they’ll enter a state where they go full Blue Man Group and dish out extra damage and such. This can also allow for special attacks accompanied by flashy animations reminiscent of powering up sequences in Dragon Ball.

Speaking of party members, the game hosts a wonderful cast of endearing characters with wildly different backgrounds, designs, and combat techniques. The absolute highlight for me so far has been Veronica, the sassy, pint-sized magician who gives you more shit than a rabbit with irritable bowel syndrome. But while Veronica is a near-constant delight, not every companion with which you fight can match the same level of brilliance. I’m now referring to Erik, an ex-thief who just blindly follows you about during the game’s opening hours spouting some poor dialogue made all the worse by a dodgy voice acting performance, with his accent bouncing from English to Italian American and neither sounding quite right.

On the technical side of things, the game boasts some bright and crisp visuals powered by the Unreal Engine 4. Having tried out the recent Switch port of the game, I have to say the PS4 Pro seems to be the way to go for clearer, sharper textures and models (shocking, I know), but it’s a handsome package on every platform. The soundtrack is also strong and weirdly nostalgic considering I’ve never played a game in the series prior to this, but the bubbly, bouncing tunes just feel like slipping into a divinely cushy sonic onesie (No, not that Sonic, you degenerates). So yes, both your eyes and ears will swell with delight when this game’s grand vistas and chirpy tunes are at their best.

In summary, Dragon Quest XI is bloody lovely. It’s relaxing, enchanting and visually distinct, all without succumbing to the many pitfalls of the genre this series has helped to define over the decades. I’d recommend playing it in the evening with your +5 ‘Snug’ slippers equipped and either body-warmth buffing mug of hot chocolate or a +3 ‘Tipsy’ glass of wine equipped as your primary weapon. Eye-rolling jokes aside, I’d advise anyone who sees the appeal in the idea of a gaming bedtime story to try this series. Especially because it’s a bit of a pain in the arse trekking all the way to Disneyland just to bask in that warm, nostalgic glow before hitting the hay when, instead, you could just be popping in Dragon Quest XI.

Gaming

5 Guilty Pleasure Games

Sep 11, 2019Sep 12, 2019 Matthew

There are circumstances in which one might enjoy something which has received negative or mixed critical reception. For example, I adored last year’s Alita: Battle Angel in spite of its critics citing some funky pacing and clunky dialogue. I, for one, eat that shit up because the film is essentially live-action anime done right. Alternatively, there are those times when I find myself having fun despite knowing full well the media product with which I am engaging is a flaming pile of dog shit. Here are five such cases (in no particular order)…

1. Dead by Daylight

This is probably the most frustrating case on this list because the concept has so much dang potential. If only the game had been executed with even a semblance of technical competence. A-symmetrical multiplayer offerings seem to be on the rise after a false start with Evolve, as the new Resident Evil: Project Resistance, as well as the new Predator: Hunting Grounds game, are both encroaching release.

With four players tasked with surviving the attacks of a fifth player filling the role of killer, the setup is hugely promising. Where the game falls down, though, is in the game itself. There’s very little the survivors can do other than fix generators, which requires only the holding of the right bumper, with the occasional tapping of the left bumper. This is referred to as a skill check, but it’s actually just a quick-time event (AKA prostate cancer if it was a game mechanic).

Not to mention, it’s also strikingly ugly with PS1-level textures and hideous character models limping around the map. But, despite all this, I’ve had a tremendous amount of fun over the past couple of week playing it with my friends, as, with the right person playing as the killer, the matches change from slogging through tedious objectives into a tense game of cat and mouse, or rather
mice.

With no means of attacking the killer, every encounter and defeat you suffer at the hands of your common enemy will make your bumhole clench with all its might. The experience is also helped along by the deeply customisable perk
system, which allows you to tailor your chosen survivor or killer to your play style. Brilliant stuff, if you can look past the stodgy gameplay and wonky
presentation.

2. Worms Battlegrounds

You may read the title of this entry and think to yourself, but Worms is a decent little series which accomplishes everything it sets out to do, is it not? And to that I retort, how do you fuck up Worms? Well, you can start by releasing a technically functional port. Instead, Worms Battlegrounds for the PS4 is a laggy, dated, awkwardly controlling, seemingly low-effort affair.

However, it is undeniably a hilarious experience with friends, as you attempt to kill each other ion the most strategically creative ways impossible. Exploding sheep, holy hand grenades and kamikaze punches round out a roster of unwieldy weaponry.

Furthermore, with the matches being as short as ten minutes, the many deaths of your loyal legion of wriggly soldiers are more amusing than frustrating, as you can always try something different next match. Plus, my friend once lost his blob with the game because he fired a homing rocket, which proceeded to turn around and hit him directly in the face, which may be the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

3. Dead Island

Essentially the Jersey Shore of video games, Dead Island is easily the trashiest game I’ve played in my twenty years upon this mudball. Its tacky presentation, loathsome characters, clunky combat, and dreadful narrative throughline should
make this an objectively painful experience. But it’s not. And that’s thanks to a couple of things, one of which is co-op. tearing around the zombie-infested resort island with some friends, stomping skulls in and wading through pools filled with body parts and beach balls is wonderfully cathartic, and salvages what would otherwise be a miserable solo experience.

Although, there is one missing feature which makes this game the one I like the least on this list. For some reason, the devs included a frankly beautiful mode in which your fists defy the physics engine and send zombies flying with every
punch, but this is inaccessible in co-op. I don’t think a greater sin has ever been committed, as this could’ve made the game genuinely worth its often dirt-cheap asking price. But, as it stands, you’ll still probably get a few hours of laughs out of this one, as long as you don’t take any of it remotely seriously.

4. No Man’s Sky

As perhaps the greatest disappointment in the gaming industry, No Man’s Sky holds a special place on this list; Not least because it has since forged its own path and become one of this generation’s greatest recovery stories (We’re still waiting on that from Microsoft lmao). With updated technical aspects, new traversal and economical systems and a whole heap of quality of life changes, No Man’s Sky is now an okay game worth a little bit of your time and money.

But, much to my shame, I actually liked this game at launch when it was just a simulation of trillions of empty planetoids with fuck all to do on them. The
aesthetics, the soundtrack, and general atmosphere had me glued to the screen for about fifteen hours, before I realised I was just hopping from one rock to the next, collecting fuel and booting randomly generated animals up the arse.

I’ve gone back and played it a fair amount since, and it’s safe to say that, if you like space exploration fiction and pastel colours, No Man’s Sky is a far easier recommendation now than it ever was back in 2016.

5. The Order 1886

Dem graphics doe. This ostensibly summarises my entire opinion on Ready at Dawn’s ludicrously lavish The Order 1886. Even with its complete lack of mechanical depth, meaningful engagement from the player and abruptly short campaign, I still can’t help but find this game impressive as all heck.
A cover-based third-person shooter set against the backdrop of a smoky, gothic Victorian London complete with werewolves and a whole Nikola Tesla, The Order presents a heart-achingly realised and visually distinct world.

Where it falls flat for many is its brain-dead gameplay and absence of content. Had it featured co-op, a well-done horde mode or even just a longer story, The Order 1886 could’ve been the start of a successful franchise, albeit with basic
foundations that prioritise form over all else. But, as it stands, 1886 remains a sadly missed opportunity many simply skipped over. But, having actually
enjoyed my time with the game, I wouldn’t say no to a belated PS4 Pro patch with 4K and HDR support, please and thank you xoxo.

Gaming

Games of Endless Enjoyment

Sep 5, 2019Sep 6, 2019 Kaylee

As a certified woman, I love Animal Crossing, but not just because of the bright colours and the cutesy characters (although that does help) but also the category it fits into. I’m not quite sure the name of the category but to generalise is games which have no end goal.
Having nothing to work towards makes the game more fun in my opinion. You’re not pressured to do anything, no time limits and no restrictions. You can just run around and do nothing and it won’t matter since nothing is consequential.

They’re easy to jump in and out, so when you forget about it for a while and come back there’s no confusion of where you are out what you’re doing, and even if there is, like say you played Minecraft one time three months ago. You turn on the game and you’re stuck in a mine. It really doesn’t matter. You could continue further, you could turn around and find your bearings. There’s nothing in control and it’s so liberating. Exiting quickly is always easy too, you can’t get stuck in a level trying to defeat a boss for half an hour (Okumura boss fight I’m looking at you) when you need to leave for work in 10 minutes and everything is a disaster and you’ve wasted the last 2 hours because you forgot to save. Not talking from experience of course.

Another thing about these games is that they fill in a void for people in their late teens/early adulthood. As the economy is destroyed by baby boomers it’s harder to imagine a good life, so in animal crossing when you pay off a home loan or even your whole mortgage, it gives you a sense of accomplishment that seems unrealistic in real life. It also makes you feel like you have friends who love to spend time with you and also this super cute my melody backpack, which could never happen for real.

They keep you creative. Plenty of times during childhood I’ve felt like I’ve been forced to fit into a box, but with endless possibilities, there’s no box to fit in, your imagination can go wild. Games like Minecraft and Happy Home Designer give you the freedom to make things how you want (with limited supplies of course) even if they’re super weird and time-consuming.

An honourable mention would also be Persona 5. Yes there is a story and Morgana constantly makes you sleep, but there are small sections between palaces where you can just go out and increase social ranks (AKA go on a date with Ryuji, let a girl dream) and just do random semi-open world things like go fishing (Because every game needs fishing, apparently).

Gaming

Destiny 2, and the Satisfaction in Statistics

Aug 30, 2019Aug 30, 2019 Matthew

Leveling up. Getting that new piece of powerful gear. Unlocking a new section of the map. Video games are a medium uniquely suited to a particular sort of satisfaction which, while seemingly very boring, is very adept at creating a time vacuum. Let’s look at some examples, my dudes…

As the title suggests, Destiny 2 and games of a similar ilk (Diablo, Borderlands, The Division, not Anthem etc.) are prime examples of this systemic absorption of your attention. And yet, it creates this gloriously addictive feedback loop in the simplest possible manner, with a number. The light level of the first game and the power level of the second essentially act as a summary of your dedication to acquiring dat juicy loot, be it weapons or armour pieces.

This not only facilitates build diversity but also the most important aspect of the series. Fashion. Let’s be real my gamer brethren, no one actually plays Destiny for the various stat bonuses and unique abilities that come with each piece of exotic armour, apart from fuckin’ nerds that is. But us Chad gamers spend hours tuning our look to be as cool and as ostentatious as is humanly possible. And for this, power level serves as a means of making your freshest garments feel even more exceptional.

Furthermore, legendary designer Koji Igarashi’s latest romp, Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night, offers this same kind of power fantasy, but it’s complemented by an exploration system that makes it feel both daunting and wholesomely rewarding to uncover every hidden passage and mark every key location you come across. The game is very good at prodding your squishy brain and making you want to continue your adventure by showing you its spider’s web of blue tiles, representing the gloriously interwoven map.

Further compounding this encouragement to push on is the subtle but effective inclusion of a percentage which tells you how much of the sprawling map you’ve charted. Well done Igarashi-san, you are a masterful game designer and you have earned a biscuit from me should we ever meet.

And finally, we come to a game which I have somehow never mentioned on this blog, Persona 5 (AKA objectively the greatest game ever made and you can fight me to the death if you think otherwise). The Persona series has always boasted some stylish ass UI, but P5 takes the cake in respect of showing you just how far you’ve come over your 100-hour journey. The little musical notes that drift and dance above characters with whom you’ve just shared a meaningful reaction, as well as the utterly ingenious star diagram that effectively conveys all of your social stats solidify P5 as a masterclass in how to deliver information to the player with style.

Moreover, in terms of statistics-based mechanics that incite an emotional reaction, there’s nothing quite like studying your little anime arse off in the run-up to exams, only to tip over into the next level of knowledge the day before it all kicks off and you’re met with questions covering the most obscure topics possible. Similarly, in the other half of the game, which sees the player scouring intricate dungeons looking for a scrap, the post-battle graphics pop and weave across the screen in perfect harmony with the God-tier soundtrack, making you feel as though you’ve become stronger, even if it’s just by an increment.

So yeah, numbers are nerdy for the most part, but they’re a vital component of video games, and it should be applauded when developers use them in just the right way, to get your dopamine flowing and your fingers itching for another hit of XP. That’s pretty much the only conclusion I can draw from this semi-coherent ramble, so thank you for reading if you’ve gotten this far. Hopefully next week, I will actually manage to get my post out on time.

Travel

Amsterdam: Our First Trip Together

Aug 22, 2019Aug 22, 2019 Kaylee

Amsterdam was the first place me and Matthew ever went together (other than a school trip to Barcelona one time). Both in first-time relationships, we didn’t know what to expect. We’d never spend such a prolonged period of time together, but boy let me tell you, that holiday really made Matthew question his decisions.

We traveled on the overnight ferry but, because I get seasick, we both took tablets and got knocked out. But, before the tablets came into effect we somehow joined a dolphin watching class? Or something like that, I’m not really sure. I don’t remember seeing anything though so good thing we didn’t pay for it.

The first place we went to was a zoo which started off a whole line of trips where a zoo is required or else it’s not a real trip. It’s possibly, to this day, one of the best zoos I’ve ever been to. However, I might be biased since I was young, in love and surrounded by cute animals. They had a reptile room, which was amazing as you could get up so close to them. However, the heat of the room on a hot day was unbearable.

The only problem which isn’t really a problem was the butterfly room. I have an irrational fear of butterflies but Matthew loves them so I didn’t want to disappoint. I took a few pretty decent photos before fleeing in panic.

At the zoo, there was also a microbe zoo which I have never seen before and was the perfect mix of super gross and interesting. It was full of moldy food and liquids and a dead giraffe just chilling in a box. Also, Matthew had a nose bleed there which could’ve been gross had I not been surrounded by microbes.

The ice bar was not all it was hyped up to be. Yes, it was pretty cool being in a room made of ice but you’re just paying to be cold and bored. The chairs are cold so it’s hard to sit down and the only drink they do (or did at this point) were chocolate orange vodka or Heineken for obvious reasons, both of which I did not like, but since I had paid to be in there I felt trapped.

The bar before you get in had nice drinks but I assume due to logical reasons you can’t prepare too many drinks in a room made of ice, so I suppose that’s understandable.

Going to the Heineken museum was always a stupid idea for us because neither of us drinks lager. However, that only lessened our appreciation slightly as the museum itself was still very cool. It has a nice terrace on the top which looks out over Amsterdam and they give you a free half-pint of Heineken. It was under construction when we went so there’s probably more now but I haven’t got a clue.

We went on a canal tour, which I don’t remember much of (a common theme), only that it was extremely hot and that we went on the wrong one. One thing that I do remember is “fritessaus”. It’s literally just a sauce for chips but it’s the best one, so good that we bought a litre bottle of it to take home.

Due to my memory of a goldfish, I don’t remember much else since I didn’t take many pictures but from what I’ve recalled it was pretty much a regular city break just with nicer locals.

Gaming

Don’t Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Aug 15, 2019Aug 15, 2019 Matthew

Towards the twilight of the seventh console generation, open-world games were becoming more and more ubiquitous. Their design evolved only in increments, and their content became more and more bloated with meaningless fluff (See pretty much any Ubisoft open-world game from the past ten years). So, I was befuddled when I recently got the urge to return to an open-world game which seemingly offered very little to distinguish itself at the time of its release. And now, as unlikely as it seems, I would adore a sequel to this underappreciated gem of a title.

United Front’s Sleeping Dogs released in 2012 to strong critical praise and sold fairly well, despite Square Enix declaring it a “failure” due to their obscene expectations. The game takes place entirely within, from what I can gather, a faithful recreation of Hong Kong, and pits the player as Wei Shen, an undercover cop attempting to infiltrate the Triads and take them down from the inside.

Narratively, the game ticks all the right boxes and wears it’s Hong Kong cinema inspirations on its decorative tattoo sleeve. All the questionable motivations and double-crossing of films like Internal Affairs serve as a dangling carrot for the player to actually complete main missions and see the story through to its end. And although protagonist Wei Shen can be an abrasive twat, particularly toward his superiors in the police, Will Yun Lee injects enough charisma into the character to power through said twatiness.

Now, why did I reinstall the game’s 2014 PS4 repackage or ‘Definitive Edition‘? Well, I’ve been playing a lot of more recent open-world games like Metro Exodus and The Sinking City which, while enjoyable in their own right, try to disguise their more game-y elements at every opportunity. Immersion is the name of the game this generation it seems, and that means unintrusive UI, and making the player feel like they’re stumbling upon discoveries, rather than simply following an old-fashioned waypoint. However, Sleeping Dogs serves as a complete antithesis to this design philosophy for me, with a refreshingly old-school approach that sees the player thread through a specific set of activities and missions that demonstrate the game’s various systems.

Much like the PS2-era Grand Theft Auto games or Saints Row 2, Sleeping Dogs is chock-full of objective markers and side activities for you to complete at your own pace. Or you could simply sack that all off and run around the streets of Hong Kong in your undies drop-kicking pedestrians and eating copious amounts of dumplings. The choice is yours.

And that’s something that I feel has been lost in recent open-world ventures. Player expression in games like Horizon, Assassin’s Creed and Far Cry essentially amounts to what weapons you want to use, or which tower to climb first. Sleeping Dogs, on the other hand, leaves you to explore and muck about at your own pace, while making sure you always have more substantial stuff to do when you’re ready to rumble. The result is a world that is unabashedly video game-y, embracing all the cliches that come with the territory of the genre.

However, it’s no less ‘immersive’ than its more recent contemporaries for a couple of reasons. For one, the number of side objectives and distractions littering the map is dangerous for obsessive cretins like me who need to 100% every district of the map. It’s just a shame that most of these optional tasks are fairly monotonous (Aside from the side quest that lets you date virtual Emma Stone which is my personal ultimate ambition), but that’s all the more reason why this game needs a sequel to iron out the many obvious kinks.

Although, one quality of life feature the game boasts does somewhat remedy the tedium of getting tangled up in these mediocre distractions, and that is the quick-select waypoint-selector thingy (I don’t know if this has an official name but that’ll do for now). With a quick click of the right stick, the player can cycle between waypoints directing them to proper missions, as well as highlight any side activities in the near vicinity. Weirdly enough, I can’t recall this system being used elsewhere, but it’s a brilliant bit of design and makes deciding your course of action way easier than trawling through markers on the map like a fuckin’ normie, am I right fellas?

Ah, but the nifty conveniences don’t stop there, as there are a load of vehicle stations dotted around the streets of Hong Kong, making it easy to retrieve your ride without making you stop and question the black magic involved in vehicle teleportation.

Just to dump even more praise on the game, the melee combat is leagues better than pretty much every other open-world game of its era with exception to the Batman: Arkham games. Taking a similar approach to said franchise, Sleeping Dogs’ combat revolves around bouncing around between enemies performing some crunchy combos while performing the occasional counter.

Unfortunately, though, I’m not a fan of the game’s counter system, which punishes the player a tad too harshly in my opinion. Like many games from that period, Sleeping Dogs has enemies telegraph their attacks so that you can react quickly and deal a counterblow, but if you misjudge this window of time and hit the button early, Wei is locked into an animation where he hunkers down and can be hit multiple times. This feels frustrating in that it takes control away momentarily to show you that you did a bad thing, like a dog having its nose rubbed into its own shit.

This does become less of an irritation as the game progresses though, as you’ll adapt to the timing and learn new moves that turn Wei Shen into a ferocious master of martial arts. Also assisting in the power fantasy are the environmental kills, which see Wei inflicting cruelty on his foes in some dazzlingly creative ways. Faces are shredded by AC fans, spleens are ruptured by shutters, and whole ass bodies are thrust into dumpsters. It really is great fun and absolutely the highlight of a strong melee system.

Shooting, on the other hand, is less satisfying. I’m a bit of a stickler for shooting feel, and while Sleeping Dogs‘ shooting isn’t bad by any means, it’s far from exemplary. Pistols and SMGs are wildly inaccurate even from medium ranges, and there’s a general lack of impact from most of the virtual firearms. What saves this aspect of the game from total mediocrity, however, is the implementation of parkour-like movement, allowing Wei to Max Payne his way through foes in slow-mo, diving over cover to either pop their little heads, or disarming them to fight hand-to-hand.

As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been playing the PS4 Definitive Edition, and this may not be true of the game’s original PS3, Xbox 360 and PC releases, but I’ve encountered a plethora of technical errors, both minor and significant, so I’ll list some of them here as a bit of a warning:

The vehicle camera is pretty horrible, particularly when reversing, which often causes you to pinball around, bumping into objects and pedestrians. This can be especially irksome since you’re often punished during missions for causing collisions and property damage.
NPCs consistently spazz out, thus causing some objectives to be difficult to complete (e.g. the game’s mind-numbingly dull tailing missions become even more tedious as the NPC drivers crash into each other, making the subject’s ‘suspicion’ meter climb).
More general stuff, like framerate dips, a couple of instances of crashing, button input delays or simply a complete lack of registration (particularly in menus) and one instance of the game actually becoming unplayable, as Wei’s phone camera (a key mechanic in both main and side content) became unusable, thus forcing both a reinstall and starting of a new save to rectify the bug.

Granted, many of these issues are unacceptable for a game with a large publisher behind it, as well as it being a current-gen update of the base game that claims to be the ‘definitive’ version. However, this may be the time to mention that the game’s development was tumultuous to put it lightly. Switching publishers, protagonists, and seeing several reworks, it’s a miracle that the game even released at all. Hence the lack of information on the game’s technical history and even which engine it uses (many forum users declare it to be Square’s own Luminous Engine, but this isn’t listed in the game’s wiki).

Despite this, Sleeping Dogs certainly can be a handsome game when it wants to be. Environmental weather effects like lashing rain and hazy mist sell the sub-tropical climate of Hong Kong. Moreover, locations like North Point (the game’s starting area) and the interior of shops and clubs are dense with smaller details. A visual highlight can be seen in the story mission Club Bam Bam, which sees Wei beating henchmen to a pulp with a large fish (No, I didn’t mistype that) in a seedy nightclub, garish fluorescent lights painting the scene like a Nicolas Winding Refn film. Although, the thought of United Front being set to work on a sequel in a more capable engine could render some jaw-dropping results.

As it stands, Sleeping Dogs’ technical shortcomings can’t overshadow the fact that every fiber of this game’s being is thoroughly entrenched in the distinct sonic and aesthetic associations carried by the cultural sprawl that is Hong Kong. And while I’ve never visited the Pearl of the Orient myself (which I intend to rectify at some point), it’s plain to see just how steeped in vibrant heritage the city is just by wandering around Sleeping Dogs’ wonderfully crafted map. Plus, the wide variety of radio stations allow me to weave through traffic, popping wheelies in my undies while blasting Tchaikovsky, which is a joy that few other games can give me.

So, while Sleeping Dogs is bolstered by robust melee combat, and an intriguing tale of corruption, where its strength lies is in its sense of place and presentation. Whereas in other open-world games like Saints Row the city in the game takes place is a mere backdrop to frame the carnage, Sleeping Dogs puts its meticulous recreation of Hong Kong front and center. Yes, current examples of the genre are more immersive and all that jazz, but Sleeping Dogs provides a simple pleasure in that just observing and engaging with its world is a gratifying experience

So, to conclude this meandering critique thing, Sleeping Dogs should not be forgotten, and a sequel would be lovely too. Even in a market utterly saturated with cookie-cutter open-world releases, United Front delivered upon their unique vision, taking a standard dish and reinvigorating it with a distinct Eastern flavour. And while I’m grateful that Square Enix helped assure this game saw the light of day, their track record gives me little hope that we’ll ever get a proper sequel. But, there is a silver lining; one that’s completely off its nut and perhaps unpalatable to some, but a silver lining all the same. Sega’s glorious Yakuza series shares just enough similarities with Sleeping Dogs for me to recommend it here.

Yes, it’s set in Japan rather than China, and its structure is less of a traditional open world and more of an open amusement park in the guise of a seedy city, but if you’ve found yourself craving a dark, twisted crime narrative set in the underbelly in one of Asia’s other famous locations, here’s your game. Or, if you liked Sleeping Dogs for no other reason than it being fun to kick lots of men in the face and sing karaoke, Yakuza more than has you covered with its blistering combat and quirky side activities. And, with Sega’s recent remasters of the first two entries in the long-running series, as well as the excellent prequel story Yakuza 0, you have no excuse not to at least dip your toes into the wacky waters of Toshihiro Nagoshi’s opus.

Travel

Shibuya & Harajuku

Aug 8, 2019Aug 8, 2019 Kaylee

Shibuya crossing was slightly smaller than I’d imagined but still proved how incredibly accurate Persona 5 was at mapping out Tokyo correctly. I genuinely felt immersed in the game and it made me want to play it again. The subway station also felt surreal; It was so busy all of the time and it was easy to get lost trying to find the exit never mind the connecting subway. Just outside the subway was the Hachiko memorial statue which was always far too crowded, and I don’t think I ever got a good picture of it. This area, in particular, made reality feel hazy because I could just imagine Yoshida making speeches in front of the tourism center.

Speaking of Shiba Inus, we also went to a Shiba cafe in Harajuku. Being from England, Shibas are something we only see on the internet and cry over because they’re so cute, but in Japan, they are everywhere. I’m not sure if I ever saw another breed. In the cafe you got a free drink included with the price so I thought I would try melon soda. Best decision of my life. Melon soda is the only drink that matters and I hate England for not letting me have it sooner.

But anyway, the dogs were unbelievably adorable, like, I’m not a dog person but I need one. There was one sitting under the TV next to us the whole time and would not move so I claimed it as mine (even though she wouldn’t come out to me either) and another small white one which kept running around who also did not love me. Most of the time they just lay there because they know they’re better than us and don’t need to do anything to keep us brainless humans entertained, but every now and then they would bark at each other or run around.

While we were there, a special Persona event was on so we went there as soon as we could so that we wouldn’t miss out on anything. It was only small so we didn’t buy much and I’m also not very fond of buying keyrings, or mystery character things which was what most of the store consisted of. We haven’t finished Persona 5: The Animation yet but photos I assume came from it lined the walls which I had never seen before. Side note: Baby Yusuke stole my heart.

Tower Records was something I really looked forward to, even after we had been several times I would still look forward to going back. As a fan of K-POP, I knew it would be a lot easier to get hold of physical albums in Asia. Tower Records held nine stories of music, and a whole floor was dedicated to exactly what I was looking for. Within several trips here I bought about half the collection of NCT albums, but sadly the trip was not quite long enough (and suitcases not quite big enough) to buy any more. What also shook me was that there was a signed NCT 127 poster so, like, me and Haechan have been in the same room… Maybe not at the same time but it still counts.

Another favourite shop was the LINE FRIENDS store. Again, as a fan of K-POP, I was attracted here by the BT21 collaboration and quite shamefully nothing else. Walking in I had to pretend to know who Brown and friends were when really I had no clue and I was there for RJ and RJ only. We took several trips here and they rotated the stock so we ended up buying quite a bit. And by ‘quite a bit’, I mean around £150 worth of RJ merch. Not my proudest moment, but as a Jin stan it’s my duty to support his son. Of course I’m not the only guilty party as Matthew has an infatuation with Mang, however, he’s not as obsessed.

Off the beaten track we found an animal cafe with a range of different animals. There were hedgehogs, otters, chinchillas and some other rodent which I’m still not sure what it was; Maybe some sort of squirrel? It was advertised as a hedgehog cafe but, in all honesty, we only went there for the otters, who did not disappoint. They had a small bag they kept hiding in which melted my heart, and their little squeaks are the cutest things ever. I’m not sure if I was supposed to but I stuck my finger through the hole in the glass and held an otter’s hand, but if anyone reading wants to get me in trouble another girl did it first I was just copying her and it’s not my fault.

All in all, I would rate Shibuya and Harajuku a 4 out of 5 partly because Matthew has yet to draw artwork for 5 out of 5 stars, but mostly because Akihabara exists and nothing can beat that.

Gaming

DOOM: The Original Trilogy in 2019

Aug 1, 2019Aug 1, 2019 Matthew

Twenty-six years ago, id Software rejuvenated PC gaming and sent the FPS genre skyrocketing with the seminal DOOM. The very next year, its sequel refined the formula of ripping and tearing demonic nasties to crimson ribbons with expert precision. And then, silence. A decade passed with only the admittedly excellent DOOM 64 to satiate fans in between releases. And when DOOM 3 finally saw the light of day, it was met with a polarised response from fans, many of which derided it for its drastic departure from the franchise’s roots. But, now that Bethesda has just blessed us with shiny new ports of each of these classic titles, making them available on every major platform, how do they hold up in a contemporary context? And furthermore, what can the upcoming DOOM Eternal learn from its badass forefathers? I’d wager a fair amount.

DOOM
What can I even say at this point about this titan of the genre? After id invented the FPS genre the previous year, DOOM was their opportunity to refine every aspect introduced in Wolfenstein 3D. More complex weapon and enemy models, larger, more intertwining level designs, and an absolute jam of a soundtrack solidified DOOM as the true king of the shooter. Even in 2019, DOOM serves to demonstrate how shiny graphics and lavishly detailed scripted sequences can’t hold a candle to the elegant simplicity of circle-strafing around a horde of varied demons, putting each one down in a strategic dance of selection and brutal execution. And yeah, that does sound like a load of pretentious wank, but if a game from 1993 can still force me to think on my toes and treat each combat encounter like a little, ultra-violent puzzle, then I think it deserves some major props.

Also compounding the puzzle game nature of DOOM are the maze-like levels which you’ll need to scour in order to find the exit and grant yourself access to it. And while this can lead to occasional frustration for a baby-brained dingus such as myself, it’s nonetheless a wonderful relief to reach that final door.
This labyrinthine level design also adds to the game’s rather short playtime. While a new player may take around an hour to finish each of the game’s four ‘episodes’ respectively, those who wish to find every hidden room and kill every last demon will find themselves thoroughly exploring each stage for at least six hours or so (A figure which Call of Duty still hasn’t been able to outdo).
But, with a game as old as this, it’s expected to falter in some areas which were untrod ground until the genre had seen more releases and iterations. For example, if you die, which you probably will many times unless you pick a low difficulty, you’ll lose all of your weapons, armour, and ammunition when you respawn at the beginning of the stage. This is the single most irritating quirk of the game and is far more prominent on consoles where quicksaves are hardly a simple process.
Another way in which playing on the frankly incorrect platform puts a damper on the fun is with weapon switching, which is clunky and inefficient on anything other than the PC.

Speaking of weapons, an issue which has plagued almost every game in the venerable series began here, with weapons that become utterly redundant as the game progresses. Sure, the pistol is essential in the game’s first couple of stages, but its viability dissipates when the player acquires the rapid-firing chaingun. Thankfully, ammo isn’t as common as in later entries, meaning you still have to be selective with which weapons you’re using for standard encounters.

And one final critique which I feel somewhat harsh leveling against the game considering it was one of the first of its genre is he aiming. Like many of its contemporaries, DOOM only allows for horizontal aiming, meaning enemies who are situated above the player can still be taken down with your magical elevating bullets, but doing so can be very cumbersome in more cramped and complicated environments.
But, other than these fairly minor complaints, DOOM remains a hallmark of the genre in 2019, with genuinely gratifying weapons, clever level design and one metallic bop after another filling the player’s grateful earholes. And since the game isn’t as atmospheric as I’m sure it once was with its pixel-coated textures

DOOM 2: Hell on Earth
DOOM 2 is a tricky game to talk about independently in that it serves more as an extension of the original DOOM, rather than offering any kind of substantial innovation. Although, that’s not to say there aren’t any notable upgrades which make it a worthy successor. For example, the variety in locations is greatly expanded, with the ‘Hell on Earth’ segments towards the game’s conclusion serving as a nice change of scenery. Granted, the colour scheme can become rather drab at points, but the game certainly feels more expansive than the OG title.

Moreover, I would sign a marriage certificate for the super shotgun in a heartbeat. This God-tier boomstick. But what about some new chumps to use it on? Well, DOOM 2‘s biggest upgrade, in my opinion, was its addition of a bevy of new enemy types, all of whom (aside from the chaingun dudes) are great fun to fight and tear to pieces. The Mancubus, Arachnotron, Archvile, Revenant, and Pain Elemental have all become series staples and got their start in this game. However, there are instances where DOOM 2 just throws you in a pit with dozens of the fuckers, meaning even my darling super shotgun struggles to keep the player standing.

Another distinguishing feature of DOOM 2 when comparing it to the first game is structure. DOOM 2 abandons the episodic format adopted by the first game and instead presents the player with thirty-two missions chocked full of secrets, enemies and unique gimmicks. All of this adds up to make DOOM 2 almost double the length of its predecessor, though this doesn’t mean all of the content on offer is as well thought out and paced as the first game. Still, DOOM 2 makes for an excellent combat challenge and is absolutely worthy of the name, and the more mellow, atmospheric beats make for another legendary soundtrack that is wholly distinct.

DOOM 3
One benefit of the series taking so damn long to release a third entry is that id was able to skip the awkward transition shooters saw while moving into the era of 3D graphics. Rather than presenting us with the signature flat lighting, boxy models and muddy textures of the early 2000s, id instead delivered a starkly beautiful game lathered in dynamic lights and crisp texture-work, thus giving the game a thick, pervasive atmosphere. The PS4 Pro port of the game, while far from a current-gen game visually, holds up remarkably well to close scrutiny. I’d recommend Digital Foundry’s meticulous analysis if you’re interested in the game’s impressive visual feature set.

But enough with all that pansy shit, what’s this one like to play with the benefit of hindsight? Well, unsurprisingly id‘s penchant for crunchy, punchy weapons is present and correct, even if things have slowed down considerably. The shotgun, in particular, has a great sense of feedback and remains my go-to for any close encounters. The plasma rifle is another highlight, demonstrating the game’s advanced lighting engine as it paints the corridors in cool blue flashes.

However, where DOOM 3 disappointed most fans was its low movement speed and generally sluggish pacing. Where the previous games saw the player fulfill the role of a pissed off quarterback charging through hordes of hellspawn, DOOM 3 is a more methodical game where ammo management and cautious exploration take precedent. But while this may have aggravated players in 2004, the slow pace of DOOM 3 is now more refreshing than anything, with every other entry in the franchise (including the current reboot series) being ludicrously fast in both narrative delivery and gameplay pacing.

DOOM Eternal
To sum things up, the upcoming DOOM Eternal can learn a couple of things from each of its ancestors. Firstly, DOOM 2 taught us that combat loses its rhythm when the player is simply chucked in with endless hordes of demons. Instead, a healthy number of foes should be placed carefully not to overwhelm the player, but to keep them thinking.
DOOM 3 is emblematic of something I’ve noticed in some of the trailers for Eternal and of which I’m an advocate. Varying the pacing is essential in order to keep the player from becoming numb to the constant barrage of combat. While absolutely no one wants DOOM Eternal to be bogged down with lengthy cutscenes or dialogue segments, the odd break from ripping and/ or tearing may just be what the witch doctor ordered when it comes to keeping a healthy balance of narrative and gameplay. DOOM 3 may have gone too far the other way in a few instances, but it undeniably establishes a more fleshed out world than the first two games, which is something the 2016 DOOM began to set up brilliantly.

Ultimately, the original DOOM trilogy holds up phenomenally in the current year, despite a few wrinkles holding the first two games back from perfection. And while DOOM 3 may be less effective as a technological showcase these days, it’s still worth a playthrough just to turn its gruesome menagerie of demons into a thick red paste. Thus, I’m giving the DOOM trilogy a collective four stars.

Gaming, Travel

Akihabara Vol.2 – A Gamer’s Paradise

Jul 25, 2019Jul 25, 2019 Kaylee

I love arcades. I always have. I go to Butlins with my family every year and you will find me in the arcades wasting my parents’ (or on more recent occasions my own) hard-earned money trying to win a Princess Anna plushie that I know the machine will not let me have. Fortunately for me, (but not my bank account) Japan was full of arcades, but the best were obviously in Akihabara, a self-proclaimed gamer’s paradise, as it had all the things I could ever dream of.

Most arcades started with claw machines on the first few floors. However, unlike Butlins, they actually housed not only Princess Anna merch but also other things I would actually want to spend my money on such as Morgana and Kizuna AI plushies.

Similarly to other arcades, they are borderline impossible to win but somehow you would always see someone who had won and it was never me. I came close several times but the staff seem to notice and move your prize into a ‘more helpful’ position which really makes it ten times harder and you end up wasting so much more money.

Capsule machines in the arcades were also something I enjoyed. They were scattered around every floor and had a wide range of prizes. Obviously, my first pick were Attack on Titan keyrings because who doesn’t want a chibi Levi on their keys. The only problem is that the odds are rather low. The capsule balls are so large that there are probably only one of each prize in the small machines so the chances of actually getting something you want are smaller than you would imagine. However, the adrenaline rush is still there and you still get a prize at the end of it so who cares if you accidentally spend thousands of yen trying to get a Levi and never succeeding?

Further up, above the claw machines, there were floors filled with rhythm games, a personal favourite of mine. As a child, I played Taiko no Tatsujin on Nintendo DS which has recently been released on PS4 and Nintendo Switch. The game is basically just a large taiko drum and you have to hit the correct part of the drum (or controller) at the correct time to earn points and keep a combo going.

The Taiko machines were definitely where we spent the most money in the arcades because it’s just so addicting. Depending on where you are the price and number of plays varied and we found the perfect mid-point in Akihabara. What added to the already perfect setup was that we had four songs we constantly played, so with the two songs per 200 yen, we would play two times and feel fulfilled. In fact, we played so often that we actually got blisters on our hands from the drumsticks. We were just that dedicated to perfecting Guren no Yumiya for Levi.

On these floors were also sometimes Mario Kart machines. I thought it was pretty pointless paying for it because I have Mario Kart at home but, according to Matthew, it’s supposedly different. I disagree, the only difference I noticed was coincidentally you could play as Don-chan from Taiko no Tatsujin. However, something I did enjoy about it was the face filter photos which followed your kart around.

On one occasion we stumbled upon the smoking floor which was totally alien to us. It was full of real gambling machines like horse racing and slot machines and I’m not about that life. We made the most of it, though, by playing Poyo Poyo Tetris which I had never heard of. Obviously, I was a natural as I was playing for quite a while before the game decided I was too good and for some reason just ended my game.

All in all, I would rate Akihabara arcades a 4 out of 5 because, although they are the best arcades I’ve ever been to, I really can’t get my head around the idea of smoking indoors? It’s such a health and fire hazard; I just don’t get it. Also unhappy with not achieving plushie Kizuna AI booty as the staff don’t understand that I want it, and so move it to a more difficult position.

Travel

Akihabara – A Collector’s Utopia

Jul 18, 2019Jul 19, 2019 Matthew

As someone who has always been interested in the fantastical, the bizarre and most significantly the nerdy, Japan had a lot to offer to someone like me. And no place proved more emblematic of this than Akihabara, a bustling hub vibrant in its colourful streets and in its equally colourful people. Whether it’s the abundance of towering arcades home to an atmosphere charged with competition, the many quirky stores housing an embarrassment of geeky riches, or simply the refined dining scene, Akihabara is a must-visit gem of a town for anyone interested in the extraordinary.

Aside from its plethora of more general-purpose stores, Akihabara is somewhat famous for its figure and model stores, which have a hell of a lot to offer for die-hard fans of manga, anime and everything in between. So, that’s what I’ll be talking about in this first piece we’re posting on Akihabara.

I personally bought twelve large-scale figures over the course of our eight-or-so trips to Akiba, while Kaylee scored herself a similarly preposterous number of chibi characters (“babies” as she calls them) to line her shelves. And while one may assume we acquired these in a traditional manner, the amount of time we put into finding figures that were just right bordered on obsessive. You see, Akiba’s many figure shops differ greatly in things like price and size, but these differences can even apply within the same store. For example, I am a big fan of Yusei Matsui’s manga series Assassination Classroom, and, as such, I really wanted to find a Korosensei figure to add to my collection. Needless to say, I saw many housed in the glass cells which adorn the walls of Akiba’s most dense figure shops. However, the asking prices ranged from 4,000 to around 10,000 yen, and that was all within the same store. I’ve been told this is a result of the aforementioned glass cases which contain various collections of figures being owned by different sellers who feed the stores their stock, hence the wildly different pricing and conditions of each figure.

Furthermore, there’s a pretty defined range of stores to explore, with a few being these being towering monoliths containing all manner of geeky collectibles, from plushies and keychains to model kits and statuettes. And standing in the shade of these titans are smaller shops crammed to the brim with all sorts of goodies. One such store, which I would highly recommend, was called Mulan. This place catered to me and Kaylee perfectly, with its lower floor positively overflowing with One Piece, Dragon Ball and Persona figurines for some very reasonable prices.

And, like every store through which we rummaged, there was a copious number of waifus lining the shelves. They come in all shapes and sizes, although most of them probably suffer from severe upper back pain if you catch my drift. Exhibit A can be seen below:

That’s something to keep in mind more generally as you explore Akiba. While some shops do distinguish between floors where the naughty bits are, others give little warning, resulting in your surroundings suddenly being composed of posters, figures, and magazines featuring girls who seem to have misplaced their clothes. So, stay vigilant if you’re uncomfortable with that sort of thing.

Anyways, let’s move onto the little plastic dudes I managed to snag during my pilgrimage to the holy land for nerds and weebs:

First things first, I am a huge fan of the long-running Naruto anime series (Yes, even the dumb filler episodes). And so, it only seemed right to express that love by spending a questionable amount of my spending money on small effigies representing its major players. I managed to find both the titular number one hyper-active, knuckle-headed ninja himself Naruto, as well as his best bud/ nemesis/ edge lord rival Sasuke in both their younger and more mature stages. I also sprung for a Boruto since I actually prefer his design to that of his Hokage daddy. However, I stupidly forgot to photograph older Naruto because my brain is made of scrambled egg, so please use your imagination for that one.

Out of these five, the older Sasuke has to be my favourite with his beautifully sculpted clothing and accessories complimenting his equally beautifully sculpted visage. In fact, the visage in question was so perfectly chiseled and refined that Kaylee seemed to fancy the miniaturised, plastic Sasuke quite a bit more than was healthy, perhaps due to his slight resemblance to EXO rapper Oh Sehun (You be the judge and comment below if you think I’m spouting nonsense).

And last but certainly not least, we have my favourite character of the original Naruto series, Kakashi. Standing the tallest out of all my figures, this beast of a man is worthy of a shrine all his own, though I, unfortunately, don’t have a space sufficient to house his magnificence alone. Thus, he remains among his subordinates on my shelf, watching over me in my sleep with his smoldering, sultry eye.

Moving on to another of the ‘Big Three’, I’ve also recently taken the plunge into the vast world of One Piece. Finding Zoro was easy enough, and I managed to snag him for around 2,000 yen, which I consider a bargain for the sheer amount of detail in the figure and complexity of his accessories. In stark contrast, Luffy was a right bitch to get a hold of, especially for a decent price. Luckily, one night I found a pre-owned Luffy in a store which I believe was called Gamers for around 3,000 yen or so, which is a minor miracle considering his usual asking price hovered around double that. Moreover, of all the figures I brought home, Luffy seems to be the one people appreciate the most, with his spindly limbs, bright colours, and shit-eating grin, he’s certainly a standout in the collection.

So far, all of the figures I’ve discussed are manufactured under the same brand of Banpresto’s Grandista line, which consists of fairly large-scale, premium figures. However, I did venture outside of this brand on one occasion as far as I’m aware, with Goku. While I haven’t been able to decipher which company he was manufactured by, Goku fits in with the collection fairly well, even if he is a tad short. The reason I broke from Grandista, in this case, was the immaculate paintwork and shading done on this figure, which really sells the texture of his eye-catching attire and bulging muscles. Also, I just really like the way they’ve done his shoes, so there’s that too. 1,800 yen well spent.

And now we come to the crown jewels of my collection; The three figures which made me shell out more than I probably should have in order to prove myself worthy of being a fan of their source material. Firstly, we have Deku, who is my definitive favourite among all of the figures I bought. There’s so much charm and personality in this figure that it’s actually astonishing how well Benpresto were able to capture the simple yet distinct art style of My Hero Academia (Or Boku no Hero Academia for you purist weirdos out there) in 3D. Young Midoriya’s huge, expressive eyes, sloped nose, and massive hands are all here, making this a brilliant collectible piece for anyone who’s a fan of the show. And let’s be honest, you should be a fan of the show, and if you’re not then you are silly and I condemn you.

Next up we have angry brat-turned genuinely interesting character Eren Yeager from Attack on Titan. This was the most expensive figure I bought and with good reason. The meticulous level of craftsmanship that has clearly gone into the ODM gear lining Eren’s back and hips is staggering, and the paintwork on his cloak and face are truly *chef’s kiss*, making this the most visually impressive figure I bought on a technical level. The struggle with Eren, however, was whether he was worth getting over Levi, world-renowned titan-slaying handsome man and another Sehun look alike. Both were on the wrong side of 5,000 yen but I decided Eren was the way to go as he is no longer an irritating, screaming bitch boy and thus he has earned my respect. Another thing to note is the fragility of this particular figure, as the wiring and smaller pieces on his back easily pop out of place and can be snapped without much effort, especially if you’re a heavy-handed dingus like myself.

Finally, we have the figure that has raised the highest number of eyebrows since bringing him back with me. Korosensei, the aforementioned tentacled tutor who stars in Yusei Matsui’s brilliant Assassination Classroom manga. This figure is smaller than his more humanoid brethren, but his pitch-perfect colouration and abundance of visual quirkiness make him, as General Grievous would say, a fine addition to my collection. Plus, he’s the only dude I bought to come with a substantial base, which is a neat bonus.

It’s hard to sum up such a fascinating cultural hub in a quick paragraph, but what I can tell you about Akihabara’s hyperactive collectibles scene is that it has oodles to offer for most people. Whether you watch anime religiously and intently study every issue of Shonen Jump, or have just been enchanted by the odd Ghibli production, you’re guaranteed to spot something which fills you with the urge to part with your cash. I know damn well I did many times. However, it’s important to be very particular about what you buy, or else you could end up getting ripped off. Ultimately, I’d give Akihabara an arbitrary numerical score of five stars.